How brave does a single woman in her late thirties have to be to write about relationships? I say:
There was a time when being married was the norm in our society. Is it it just me or are we gradually moving to a time where the single adult is slowly becoming an everyday member of our society? I find myself in a new work related project more times than I desire and both the questions of a partner and a child are often met with a negative answer from our more mature professionals.
For the longest time society and the world at large taught and prepared us to be wives and mothers; and for the men of course to be husbands and fathers. The single person was always seen as a wife or husband in waiting and was seen as an invalid who must be assisted with blind dates and hook ups. Now that I have had my fair share of kissing frogs (literally and figuratively)been on enough blind dates & spent sleepless nights trying to justify something I know fully well will never work; I have concluded that there may just be a 3 step process to being effectively single. This is a 3-step process that I haven’t quiet mastered yet because at weddings when everyone is sitting next to their partner and you are sitting next to an empty chair, you may just need a 3-step process for making the chair or yourself disappear. It is even worse at work breakaways where you can bring your partner for free but if you are bringing a friend you pay the full amount. You may again just need another 3-step process to renting a man or woman). How about going to a funeral alone and as all the other people cry their partners are like “baby it’s ok” and at that time you are crying and fumbling through your handbag trying to find tissues, only to discover that you left them on your bed and now your nose is running? Man! Being single is hard but every girl or boy needs a 3-step process to face life.
1. Being single is not who you are. In my case I am Mantsha, I am not single. I don’t have a BMW but I have a Mercedes (even though technically it belongs to the bank). I am not the girl who doesn’t have a BMW but instead I am the girl who has the Mercedes. Most single people are frustrated because they don’t have a partner; they fail to see everything else they do have. There are things you can only do when you are single, just as rightly as there are things you can only do when you are married. Instead of wishing for what you don’t have, rather focus on making the best of what you do have. It is not a sickness, disability or embarrassment to be single. There’s nothing wrong with it and the minute you embrace it you will have peace with your own self. Before you can walk tall in front of people about your marital status, you must have peace with your own self.
2. Don’t put your life on hold but have the wisdom to avoid awkward moments I always laugh at articles that encourage single women to love and hug themselves. Maybe I am too pragmatic but why would I want to hug myself? I want someone else to hug me. Isn’t that the whole point of the hug? If you are going to go to dinner or to a holiday alone, then take a book or your music. Book excursions that are friendly to you being alone. Don’t go to a restaurant favoured by lovers and have dinner there alone until the waiter starts hitting on you out of pity. Have a social life and take a decision to be a loving person. Don’t reserve all the love you have for that one time when you have a partner, love people. The more you love, the less lonely and alone you will be. Practise unconditional love, where you love and expect nothing back.
Dress well, take care of your skin, do your hair, buy a sports car, buy one of those cute little apartments that are not child friendly, buy white furniture, go on overseas trips, and just enjoy being single. Whatever you do, don’t put your life on hold. 3. As soon as I find out what the third step is I will write another article to update this one.
For now, allow me to share some more advice.
Stop chasing the elusive soul mate. Back in the day people used to go to far-away lands. Keep the hope to get married alive if that is what you want but do not obsess about it. Being single is amazing. Find what works for you and as the bible so wisely says: searching for treasure. Now they are searching for treasure of a different kind…thee soul mate. Many people died miserable because they never found what they were looking for. The same people had left treasures of different kinds back at home. All of us have and can have meaningful relationships. Don’t reduce your love to just a romantic relationship.
When it happens it will be a blessing. “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might, for there is no work or device or knowledge or wisdom in the grave where you are going”. The grave is the only sure destination for all of us so in the meantime, live your best life! Here is to being happy, single and successful, and just in case you do get married, write to me and tell me how you did it in 3 simple steps.